Bestseller
Sir Plants-a-Lot
A distinguished dirt enthusiast with strong opinions about mulch depth.
$39.95★★★★★
⚡ Same-day gnome energySmall statues.
Small statues.
Huge presence.
We deliver premium garden gnomes for lawns, patios, awkward housewarmings, and relationships that need one more ceramic complication.
★★★★★Trusted by dozens of yards and one confused HOA.
100% lawn approved*
Discreet packages
Fresh from the shed
Meet the yard stars.
Every gnome is inspected for posture, beard volume, and the ability to make neighbors whisper.
Adults-ish
The Shrub Tease
Peeks from behind your hedge and lowers the property values just enough.
$44.69★★★★★
Tax Deductible*
Gnome Executive Officer
Carries a briefcase, schedules meetings, and delegates all actual gardening.
$58.00★★★★★
Twofer
Lawn-Distance Lovers
Two committed ornaments keeping the spark alive from opposite flower beds.
$72.00★★★★★
Why us?
Full-service gnome logistics.
We do more than sell lawn ornaments. We support the entire gnome lifecycle, from first placement to witness protection.
Discreet Delivery
Plain packaging. No judgment. The box only says “definitely not twelve tiny men.”
Strategic Placement
Our experts find the exact angle that says “whimsical” instead of “watching you.”
Hedge Compatibility
Tested with boxwood, hydrangea, and that one bush nobody remembers planting.
The Gnome Guarantee
We take your lawn foolishly seriously.
Every order receives a 14-point beard inspection and a completely invented Certificate of Lawn Readiness.
- Weather-resistant attitude
- Neighbor-startling silhouette
- Emotionally available ceramic
- 30-day no-questions-asked de-gnoming
Yard talk
People are saying things.
“He arrived on Tuesday. By Friday, he had taken over the basil and renamed the patio.”
— Denise, Verified Lawn Owner
“The discreet box worked. My husband still thinks it’s artisanal mulch.”
— Marcy, Repeat Offender
“Five stars. Powerful little stance. Slightly too confident around the begonias.”
— Kevin, HOA Treasurer
Ready to get gnomed?
There’s always room for one more little guy.
Unless your patio is full. In that case, our relocation team has questions.